I have been married for about a month and a half, I love being married. But let me tell you, it isn't easy. I am thankful that I have parents who I can discuss marital issues with and get real responses (meaning they always take his side :) ). Whenever it hits about a day or two before my time of the month, I begin to get impatient and highly critical of my spouse. Now I am not blaming my menstrual cycle, however it is an understanding of why I react the way I do.
Before getting married my husband has been living on his own for a long time (he's 37) as well I have been living on my own for a quite a while. So you have two very independent beings, trying to mesh into a cohesive marital unit. And to add on top of it all, I know that I am not a good roommate. I have a certain idea of how things should be. As my mom would say "Brienne you have very high expectations for yourself and those whom live with you." Now I would argue that my high expectations are a learned behavior from my mom, but her wisdom is greatly sought and appreciated. So putting all these factors together: my time of the month, two independent beings, and my high expectations, what do you think happened? My poor unsuspecting husband got the brunt of my frustration this weekend. Granted there are areas he needs to work on, as well as there are areas I need to work on, but instead of approaching him with my therapist tone and patience, he got a snippity wife with emotions flowing!
Thankfully, God made my husband perfect for my emotional state. He understands my emotionality and embraces it as a part of who I am, but doesn't discount the root issue at hand.
My dad also gave me some good advice, he pointed out that since we both have been independent that I need to give it more time. Changes don't happen overnight, it could take a few years. As my dad is telling me this, he says "after all your mom and I have been married for 36 and we finally have each other figured out...for the most part."
So what have I learned? That I have little patience for my personal life and need to work on that area. That I have a true reason for having "super" emotions for a couple days each month. My husband loves me and is committed to our marriage (and change) and that I need to let myself off the hook. I have such high expectations, that even I can't meet them.
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3 comments:
Sounds like you're learning a lot. :)
Hi Brienne, this is only the beginning. You'll never stop learning and getting to know one another (well... maybe after 30some years). I think it's harder at first so take some of the pressure off yourself and don't expect perfection. If you have a wonderful, loving husband that listens, understands, and comforts... that's a great combination. Thank you for starting your blog. I have enjoyed reading it and will do my best to say hello more frequently. Congratulations on all the wonderful new and exciting changes in your life.
Love, Chris
The 1st Year is definitely a learning year...as are the other years (I know that I have learned more and more in each of these first 3 years), but did seem like there was a greater learning curve in that first one!
love you guys,
Jackie
P.S. Super excited that you started a blog...
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